Waiting for that moment

We are waiting for that moment. That moment the doctors and nurses keep talking about. The moment when Hailey suddenly decides she's ready to eat completely from a bottle. That overnight improvement. I thought that moment had come but then she took a giant step back. "It's normal for preemies" they tell me. That doesn't give me much comfort when I thought she was so close I could taste it.

If only you can reason with an infant, we could explain it to her. She pulls out her feeding tube all the time. It's a running joke with the nurses. She's actually known for it and each new nurse is warned. I joke with the nurses that when she is smiling in her sleep she is plotting her next tube removal. If only she knew, eat from the bottle and it will be removed forever.

That moment will come when she's ready. When she's ready...... that's when she will come home. The doctors can't predict it and neither can the nurses. I can't even predict it. I have no idea when her moment will come. She can be so unpredictable and inconsistent that it's hard to tell. I guess she inherited both of Randy and my stubbornness.

Although, I think back to my pregnancy and I realized something. Whenever the day came for the new week to start (I called this ticker change day), I would suddenly see something new. As soon as I would hit another week pregnant, she would change, improve, move along to the next thing she's suppose to according to the books. So if this eating coordination doesn't usually develop until the 37th week of gestation then maybe she has another week. I remember saying earlier I predicted her coming the 15 or 17th of September. Even though I thought I meant the day she is born, maybe what I really meant (without realizing it) is that is when she'll come home. I don't know, just a random thought.

Staying positive is important right now and staying optimistic. I am trying my best for it to show through and not be overcome by something else. I apologize if this blog post seems like a downer, it's not meant to be. I am just using this blog as an outlet for random thoughts as well as Hailey updates and so forth. Sometimes writing everything out is therapeutic in itself.

Okay, random thoughts post is now over! =)